a small blog from abroad

I’m not excited about my foreigner card being removed from my deck in a few days. It’s been a great safety. I guess for all the things I can’t do because I don’t understand or just don’t know about, my automatically excused ignorance makes up for.

Being an American in South Korea comes with privileges. Strangers leaving a restaurant at the same time as me offer to take me home. I don’t have to take a number at the bank or post office. Solicitors pass me by without handing me fliers. I get lots of odd gifts. Every other person on the street says “hello” to me.

Okay, that one I no longer enjoy. Because it’s prefaced with “waygookin” or foreigner, and followed with something endearing like, “big nose” or “ET eyes.”

I’ve played the foreigner card at work all year long and works so well I’d go all in. But it’s a good thing I didn’t take that bet, because last night, my foreigner card lost. And lost bad.

I was reprimanded, nay, yelled at by my principal. A lecture entirely in Korean. The gist I gathered — he thinks I’m leaving Korea three days too early because the end date he wrote on my contract is in fact, three days after I am leaving. However, the ignoramus fails, nay, refuses to understand that my Visa, which is the only legal way I’m in this country, expires the very day I am leaving. There’s so more to this story concerning pay, but I hardly can keep it straight what’s going on that I won’t shed those details.

Prinicpal, my “co-teacher”, who I never co-teach with nor speaks comprehendable English, and I were sitting on the floor at a table. Like you would at most tables in Korea. Since I didn’t understand the language, I picked up on other things. For instance, the principal’s voice started out reasonably toned, and like a crescendo it got both louder and more angry in a span of about 40 minutes.

My “co-teacher” dared interject a thought, avoiding eye contact, as is the Korean custom when you’re being yelled at, and while interjecting, the principal gets off the floor. I suppose he didn’t want the lines to be blurred about whether or not he was talking down to us, he could literally show us that, yes, he was.

“Co-teacher” starts saying something else and the principal leaves the room. Mid-sentence.

I try to be respectful and understanding of cultural differences; there certainly are many. But I think acting like, how do you say… a little baby girl, translates as little baby girl in any culture.

This was by far the strangest experience in Korea I’ve ever had. Just in time… in case the other strange experiences needed to be topped before I leave.  No small feat. With the time when I was told I quote, “look like a man of oriental mind” coming in a distant second. And the breaking and entering, see previous post about kid caper, coming in third.

Foreigner card, well-played. We had a good run and I will miss you.

I cut about 7 inches of hair off my graying head because my friend told me that boys, with the exception of one in particular, like long hair.

You read right.

I’m in a hippie-esque phase recently. I thought cutting my hair would be a symbol of my liberation from The Men.

Instead I just feel like I want a weave.  Spare hair, if you will.

I also have had a lot of time riding different buses and metros to think about a public transportation solution in America. I think having that thought alone makes me hippie by Midwest standards.

This is where I’m going to transition to Korea.

In Korea it is just expected that you recycle. At Starbucks, for example, there is a spot to dump liquids, a spot to dispose of the cup, a separate place for the sleeve and another for general trash. Also, you have to pay extra for a disposable cup.

And that’s not just because Starbucks is progressive. It’s because they’re trying to keep up with Korean expectation.

It does make for a complicated departure, but just involved enough that everytime it makes me think. Korea is a conglomeration of an obviously foreign, dichotomized mindset that I will never understand. Kinda like that sentence to you, maybe. Kinda like America to Koreans.

It’s been a lot of things living a year as a foreigner. Thrilling, scary, confusing, frustrating, life-changing, funny, lonely, surprising. Thinking about going home next month for the summer and trying to form an easy to response to the inevitable question, “How’s Korea?”

To which I will feel like saying, “If you’re really interested in how Korea is, I must recommend that you visit.”

But understanding that we like to ask questions like this to be polite and not so much sincere, I guess I should include the highlights with a few lowlights, just to keep it real.

The reason I even began writing today, ending my hiatus, was because I had such a fantastic day. May I tell you about it?

My friends Tyler and Deanna came and spent the night at my house last night. (I have the biggest/nicest house of the three of us. That’s not bragging. We didn’t chose our housing.) We had a The Office marathon. Today we went to a tea house in my town for the first time. It was really traditional and complicated to explain. But we sipped green tea served by an older woman who was confused by our presence in the tiny little town’s tea shop. Then walking back up the mountain to my house, came upon a new restaurant that serves fried chicken. And the best part, you can dine outside under an umbrella and drink Coke from the bottle — the very reason I love Thailand. Also, the owner spoke English, which NEVER happens where I live and gave me the number to call to have it delivered to my house.

A tea shop, which we equated to Starbucks — my second reference — and a restaurant with recognizable food, served by a man who speaks my language in my favorite dining atmosphere IN my town, makes for a fantastic day.

I’ve made the mistake of using this blog as a release for my frustration with living here, among other things, but don’t let me allude you — I’m coming back for another year, after all.

I’m a teacher.

With no qualifications other than that I speak English fluently. Also exclusively.

It’s interesting. For… forever I’ve said and believed that I don’t have what some call a “skill.” People like to pretend that I do, try to convince me I guess. I think maybe some people really believe it even, maybe that everyone has talent or something. But I honestly and whole-heartedly disagree. The average person is no more than average, afterall.

Average are people like me. They sing in an unpleasant key, mumbling the lyrics when they can’t remember them, they get remarks on their term papers in red ink that suggest they take it to the Writing Center, even though they say, work in the Writing Center (and maybe a journalism or English major, too), they can’t make conversation, they can’t stop talking, they’re noticeably and uncooly uncomfortable in front of whoever they feel inferior to, which is probably nearly everyone. They have an article of clothing they think looks really good on them only to realize years later after looking at that picture wearing said article that it was really a miserable clothing option that emphasized their fat thighs, big ears, flared nose or frizzy hair.

So, you see, it’s interesting that I am in South Korea seemingly randomly, though also not randomly whatsoever, because one might think a person unable to highlight any specific skill on their resume might have a difficult time finding a job, being happy, maybe. It seems I’ve found the perfect job for the average English speaking person…

Not only are you default qualified,

but you’re kinda gonna be a superstar when you move to their country to teach them English.

Honestly. For example, a few months ago we had a talent show and family and friends were invited. They asked me to emcee in English for some reason. And I did. And though no one there understood me, I spoke unenthusiastically and too fast, they acted like maybe I was emcee… Hammer.

I’ve also given autographs and taken pictures with strangers.

Which makes me think maybe this job is also good for wannabes who aren’t…. well, ever gonnabe.

(And I got a pair of pink underwear for my Birthday supposedly from a kids mom, but I’ve yet to meet her… either way, that is a weird story.)

Now. I’m going home in July and need a replacement. Any takers? bethanybunch@gmail.com

There is a short demon outside my office growling.

The other teachers who would normally be in the office with me are not. I don’t think any teacher would go out of their way to tell the child I was alone. I suppose it was just his force that urged him to believe. 

I find it as no coincidence that this child is in my second grade class, where two-thirds of the students are inspired by his misdeeds and train to be as great. I said before they act like Satan. But I’ve never quite experienced his voice before.

Before now.

He is slightly hunched, his arms at right angles, fingers strained and his face turning red. His voice is low and becoming raspy with his elongated growls. His shirt says “I love you.”

A teacher finally stepped into the hall and saw him in the office doorway, yelled something at him and he ran away. At first I laugh, now I tremble.

Last week I taught the alphabet to Satan-incarnate.

In one week and four days, I will be on a rooftop pool in Bangkok soaking in some sun, drinking some concoction in a coconut with a bendy straw.

Well, maybe. I found a well-priced hotel in what seems now like a good location and tried to make a reservation for the one night I’ll be in Bangkok before heading North via overnight 13 hour train to Chiang Mai. And even though the confirmation email was negative, it was maybe the kindest email I’ve ever received:

Dear Sir/Madame

Thanks for your e-mail. We are really sorry to tell you that the booking advance for these couple months was completely full.

**Would you mind to walk-in to check and see that there is enough room left on that day when you arrive to D&D INN please?**  Time for check-out is 12.00 PM. So, you may can get the room after 1.30 PM. if you walk-in.**

And because sometimes when customers walk-in with themselves.  They can get room since some customers who already booked the room, they couldn’t reach at our hotel before 7.00 PM.  So, the computer will be automatically cut that room off.  After that the room is free for customers who are walking in to D&D hotel.

As the reason in the above mentioned.  Let’s try to walk-in and check the room again please. However we don’t have any waiting list services.

Sorry again for any inconveniences caused to you.  We do hope that we will have a chance to serve you in the future.

Best regards,
Management Team
D&D INN

Just for the added pleases and the way that sentence starts with “let’s”, I think I will take them up on their second-best offer. Just for your kindness, Management Team, I don’t mind.